Dear Rabbonim,
There is a case of a couple where the wife will not have relations with her husband if he doesn’t wash his whole body during the 9 days, what should he do?
Answer:
It is permitted to take a shower in the nine days for the purpose of basic cleanliness, and this will also apply for the purpose of marital relations, if the shower is required.
Soap may be used if required for cleansing.
The basic principle is that one should not take a shower for the purpose of pleasure, and therefore the heat of the water should be adjucted (colder than usual), and one should avoid washing the entire body at once.
Sources:
See Orach Chaim 551:15, and Rema, which states the prohibition of washing in the Nine Days.
However, we find in the laws of Yom Kippur (613:1, and Magen Avraham 614:1) that it is permitted to wash for removing dirt, and this leniency will certainly apply to the Nine Days, too. Even on Tisha Be’av, it is permitted to perform sichah (554:15–even though this is prohibited on Yom Kippur) for the purpose of removing dirt, and the more so on the nine days.
See also Yeshu’os Yaakov, 551:3, concerning washing with cold water, and his leniency can certainly be relied on for sweaty areas.
Although a person might not feel he needs a shower, if his wife needs him to take a shower, this will not be different from his own requirement. Marital relations (sometimes) involve a Torah mitzvah, as well as being integral to shalom bayis. It is certainly fine to take a shower for this purpose, provided the restrictions of the nine days are taken into account.
Best wishes.
