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Trimming Body Hair

If one’s wife tells him that she would find him more attractive and appealing if he would shave some (not all) of his body hair, is he permitted to do so?

Answer:

One should not shave body hair for the purpose of beauty and attractiveness alone.

However, if the hair is a cause of shame or disturbance, it is permitted to do so.

Sources:

The Torah prohibits a man from beautifying himself in the manner of women, and it is therefore prohibited to shave one’s body in places that it is the way of women (and not men) to do so.

The Talmud (Nazir 59b) specifies pubic hair and armpit hair as being prohibited for men to shave. According to Rashba (Vol. 4, no. 90; see also Beis Yosef, Yoreh De’ah 181, and Bach 181:8-9), this prohibition applies to the entire body. However, the Rambam (Idolatry Chap. 12:9) writes that the prohibition (in his opinion, rabbinic) applies specifically to places that it is the custom of women alone to shave. This is also the ruling of the Rema (Yoreh De’ah 182).

Therefore, if it is generally accepted for men to remove hair in a given part of the body, it is permitted to do so. For parts of the body where it is not generally accepted for men to remove hair, it is forbidden to do so for the sake of beautification, but it is permitted to do so if one requires this for purpose of medical treatment, or other non-beautifying purposes (see Darchei Moshe, Yoreh De’ah 182, concerning shaving arm-hair for somebody who is ashamed; see also Tosafos, Shabbos 50; Iggros Moshe, Yoreh De’ah 2:61; Seridei Eish Vol. 2, no. 40 — the final two sources refer to the prohibition of coloring one’s hair, and write that it is permitted for non-beauty purposes).

Note that according to several authorities, the concept of something that is “generally accepted” to do is defined by the ways of Jews, and not by non-Jews alone.

Therefore, if the purpose is for the sake of beauty and attractiveness, it is not permitted to shave body hair in parts of the body where it is not common practice for men to do so (according to the Vilna Gaon, moreover, even the practice of men is not sufficient to permit this, but most authorities are lenient where it is practice of men).

Therefore, it is not permitted to shave body hair for the purpose of beautification, unless it is the common practice for men to do so. For most body hair, it appears that the general practice of men is not to shave hair, and therefore this is to be avoided.

However, as noted in the sources above, it is permitted to do so for purposes of shame and discomfort, and there is some room to lean towards leniency (in cases where there is an issue of shame and the like) based on the fact that today it is normal for men to remove excess hair in all parts of their body.

The case of the question is delicate. As we have seen, the desire to be more attractive is not grounds for leniency. However, if there is an actual issue of Shalom Bayis (it does not sound like this from the question), there will be room for leniency.

Best wishes.

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