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“Every Mother and Daughter” – Should Daughters Light Shabbos Candles?

The Obligation of Women

In principle, the mitzvah of lighting Shabbos candles applies to all Jews – men and women, married couples and singles – for all are obligated to honor the Shabbos. The Shulchan Aruch (Orach Chaim 263:2), citing the Rambam, writes this explicitly: “Both men and women must ensure that a candle is lit in their house for Shabbos.”

The obligation, as the wording of the Shulchan Aruch suggests, is that a candle must be lit in the house – there is no obligation that each and every person must light a candle (Shulchan Aruch Ha-Rav 263, K.A. 5).

The Shulchan Aruch adds (263:2) that although all are obligated, the mitzvah falls primarily on women. The reason for this is that she is the “mistress of the house, and she manages the affairs of the home.” We find in the Gemara (Shabbos 23) that the purpose of the candle is for Shalom Bayis, and responsibility for the home falls primarily on the woman’s shoulders. Because she lights, the rest of the household is exempted by her lighting.

The Tur (263:1) likewise notes that the women are primarily obligated in the mitzvah, adding that it is fitting that women should kindle the light “because she extinguished the light of the world, in causing the death of Adam.”

The Mishnah Berurah stresses that if the lady of the house is delayed in lighting the candles, and the time of shekiyah (sunset) is fast approaching, her husband or one of the children should light the candles (rather than risking a violation of Shabbos). When the mother of the household is for some reason unable to light, the remaining members of the family must ensure that the Shabbos candles are lit.

Lighting Additional Candles

Can daughters of the household light additional candles, and recite a berachah over the lighting?

According to the Shulchan Aruch (263:8), it is clearly wrong for other members of the household to light candles in the same room as the mother’s candles. The Shulchan Aruch rules that even where two people have distinct obligations to light candles, such as two families living and eating in the same place, only one of them should recite a berachah over the candles.

The Rema, however, rules that both families may light candles with a berachah, the reason being that according to the Rema one may recite a berachah over the “extra light” that each of the candles brings to the room. The Rema adds that our custom is that each of the households (the mother of each family, or somebody else in her absence) lights with a berachah, even if both light in the same room.

According to the Rema, the question is therefore whether the same halachah applies to mother and daughter – whereas according to the Shulchan Aruch the only question will be whether it is proper for a daughter to light candles with a berachah in one of the rooms of the house where the mother does not light candles.

In addition, the Aruch Ha-Shulchan (263:6) rules that all agree that if two householders light their candles at the same time, they may both recite a berachah, because one’s candles do not precede the other’s. Thus, one can inquire whether mother and daughter can light at the same time, both of them reciting a berachah over their respective lighting.

A Husband’s Lighting

Poskim discuss whether a husband is permitted to light Shabbos candles in addition to his wife’s lighting.

The Mordechai (Shabbos Chap. 2, no. 294) writes that somebody who is with his wife does not need to light in his own room and recite a berachah, because his wife recites a berachah on his behalf. The same statement is cited by the Shulchan Aruch (263:6), and we thus learn that all members of the household (including the husband) fulfill the mitzvah by means of the mother’s lighting, and they are not obligated to light separately.

Even if the husband has his own room, he should not light in it with a berachah, because he fulfills the mitzvah with his wife’s berachah.

From the wording of the Eliyahu Rabbah (263:15), it appears that the husband is not even obligated to light in his personal chamber; if he wishes to be stringent and to do so, he should not recite a berachah. However, other authorities understand that there is a full obligation on the husband to light in his own room, so that he should not come to stumble over items in the room (Magen Avraham 14; Shulchan Aruch Ha-Rav 9; Mishnah Berurah 31). Nonetheless, a berachah should not be recited.

The Biur Halachah (6, s.v. bachurim) explains that this halachah corresponds to the concept of bedikas chametz: On the one hand, there is a mitzvah to check each and every room for chametz, yet on the other the checking of the entire house is considered one mitzvah, and only one berachah is recited over checking the whole house for chametz. Similarly, there is a mitzvah to light candles in every room (to ensure that there is light in all rooms – if there is enough light in the room without candles, there is no obligation to light candles therein e.g. some light enters from the street lights and one will not stumble in the room). Yet lighting in each room is not a distinct mitzvah, but lighting candles in the house is considered one mitzvah (see also Shulchan Aruch Ha-Rav, K.A. 5).

Separating from the Household

Based on the halachah that a husband cannot light with a berachah, as ruled by many authorities, it appears that members of a given household cannot cut themselves off from the household so that they may light their own candles with a berachah. The Shulchan Atzei Shittim (cited by Eshel Avraham 263:6) states this ruling explicitly concerning a husband, explaining that he cannot light with a berachah even in other rooms of the house. It appears that the same ruling applies to other members of the household.

However, the Shut Rav Pe’alim (2:50) writes that a husband can in fact light with a berachah, explaining that the ruling given by the Shulchan Aruch stating that a berachah should not be made applies only to somebody who lights after his wife has already lit candles.

According to this opinion, we find permission for members of the household to detach themselves from the mother’s lighting, and to light their own Shabbos candles – on condition that they light prior to the mother. However, it is possible that this applies only to the father of the household, because the principle obligation of lighting applies to him, and the mother lights only as an agent of her husband.

This approach is stated explicitly by the Bach (263), who writes that the mitzvah of lighting belongs to the woman of the house, explaining that her husband does not have the right of taking her mitzvah, in spite of the fact that “it is a greater mitzvah to perform a mitzvah yourself than doing so through an agent.” The Shulchan Aruch Ha-Rav (263, K.A. 2) likewise explains that the woman of the house is in fact an agent of her husband to light the candles, because the principle obligation rests on the husband. Based on this approach, it is thus possible that even according to the Rav Pe’alim only the husband has the right to light in addition to his wife, whereas other members of the family will not have the right to do so.

In addition, the Shut Rav Pe’alim stresses that the permission of the father to light with a berachah rests on the fact that he is obligated to light in the bedroom. Because there is also an obligation to light in rooms other than the dining room, it is permitted to split the mitzvah, with the wife lighting in the dining room and the husband in a bedroom (see also Tehillah Le-David 264:7). We therefore have not found a basis for the husband, or another member of the household, to light (with a berachah) in the same room as the mother.

Yet, Shut Shem Arieh (cited by the Minchah Chadashah, Shiurie Haminchah 6) considers it obvious (poshut) that a father is permitted to light with a berachah even in the same room as his wife, if he expresses his desire to detach himself from her lighting.

Halachic Rulings for Lighting of Daughters

Based on the above, it is clear that most authorities see the lighting of Shabbos candles in a household as a single mitzvah, much like the mitzvah of searching for chametz. For this reason, the principle mitzvah is fulfilled by the lighting of the woman of the home (which is done in the dining room), and the remaining members of the household will not be able to light candles with a berachah.

Yet, as we noted in the name of the Rav Pe’alim, where there is an obligation to light in other rooms of the house (in darkened rooms that are used on Shabbos), one of the household members will be able to light in the room with a berachah, provided he/she does so before the mother’s lighting. This ruling is justified by the Nishmas Shabbos (Vol. 1, p. 356) concerning lighting by married daughters, and the Shut Az Nidberu (Vol. 6, no. 66-8) defends those who have the minhag to light separately with a beracha.

On the other hand, the Menuchas Ahavah (Chap. 4, no. 8, note 21) writes that even a child who has a room of his own should not light candles (in the room) with a berachah, for this is considered an unnecessary berachah that is forbidden. He notes that this is the ruling given by Rabbi Ovadyah Yosef (Yecheveh Daas 2:32) and by others. It is interesting to note that the Chesed Le-Alafim (263:6) writes that although the father of the house cannot recite a blessing over his own lighting (where the mother lights), other members of the household can make a berachah when lighting in their own rooms.

For those who do have the custom of reciting a berachah over lighting in one of the other rooms of the house, the Shulchan Aruch Ha-Rav (K.A. 5) justifies the custom, based on a number of authorities. He explains that even concerning bedikas chametz it is possible that household members who did not hear the berachah from the father must recite their own berachah when checking individual rooms.

Each Mother and Daughter Should Light Shabbos Candles

The instruction of the last Rebbe of Chabad, whereby “each mother and daughter should light Shabbos candles” (see Likkutei Sichos p. 163) is well known, and as a result, today it is the common custom in Chabad communities for daughters to light Shabbos candles alongside their mothers. Mother and daughter together bring in the Shabbos by lighting candles.

A number of authorities confirm that this was a common custom – at least in certain locales – in bygone generations. The Aruch Ha-Shulchan (263:7) writes that the custom is for daughters of Israel to light on their own, even if they are with their mother. He writes that the reason for this is that daughters, like women, are especially obligated in the mitzvah, and that each therefore recites her own berachah – though he adds that each daughter should preferably light in a room of her own.

The Tehillah Le-David (263:7) points out the halachic difficulty of a daughter lighting in the same room as her mother, yet, despite the difficulty, he writes that the common custom is to light with a berachah.

When Rabbi Yosef Dov Soloveitchik was asked about the custom of girls lighting with their mothers, he responded that he does not see what novelty there is in the custom, for this was common in Europe even in his own locale, and this was his own custom for his daughters (cited in Mi-Pninei Ha-Rav, p. 75).

Two Families Together

The majority of the observant community does not follow the Chabad custom of having daughters light with their mothers  but it is certainly the common custom for married daughters (and daughters-in-law) who stay with parents for Shabbos to light alongside the mother. This custom is noted by the Shemiras Shabbos Kehilchasah (Chap. 43, no. 7) and by the Minchas Shabbos (Chap. 75, no. 28).

It can perhaps be suggested that this is the common custom, because each couple is considered a household unto itself, and therefore each has its own obligation to light, which can be fulfilled – at least according to the Rema – even in the same room.

However, it is preferable, when there is no danger of a fire, even for a married daughter staying with parents, to light in the (dark) bedroom designated for her, as the Maamar Mordechai (263:6) rules. Because there is an obligation (of Shalom Bayis) to have some light in the bedroom, it follows that this is the preferred option, as we have already noted (see Minchas Shabbos 75:28).

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