Do people make a tanoim/vort by a zivug sheini?
I know there is a Medresh that everyone quotes in regards to the luchos harishonos and luchos shneius and from there we learn not to make a “big thing” with the zivug sheini…However who was the one who made this comparison with the medresh? Is it from Kadmonim?
What is the minhag l’maseh?
There are different customs concerning making tena’im at an engagement for Zivug Sheini.
Although the general custom is not to make tena’im, in practice this will depend on the feelings and wishes of each couple.
Shut Maharash Engel (5:53) writes that one does not make tena’im at a Zivug Sheini engagement, and rather a kinyan alone is made; see also: Erech Shai, Yoreh De’ah 192:2; Imrei Yosher (Vol. 2, no. 203); Nissuin Kehilchasam 17:8; Hilchos Erusin Ve-Nisuin (Stern) Chap. 13, nos. 1-3.
Nitei Gavriel (Chap. 49, no. 3) mentions that he received the tradition from the “elder rabbis” that a second marriage is like the second Tablets, and therefore modesty and discretion are in place. I recall that the comparison is made by the Tzemach Tzeddek (of Chabad).