Question:

I am Sephardic Israeli Moroccan  A few questions about deceased son please. Many books are not clear.
1. Do you light any more memorial candles throughout the year of mourning apart from the seven day shiva candle.
2. Do you recite Hashkava daily or only on Monday and Thursday and Shabbat on aliya during the year.
3. Gravesite is only 2 miles away. Can one visit daily when one can? Can one also visit any day after the year.
4. What prayers and psalms are read as one visits the grave during the year. Does one also recite the shemot at the gravesite when one visits the grave during that year of mourning.
5, Any agreement on Halakh when to cut hair and beard. Also not mentioned anywhere when to trim nose hair and fingernails.

  1. Why is it not allowed to visit twice daily? .

Thank you

Answer:

 

In consultation with a Separdi posek, here are the minhagim

  1. You may light candles the whole year, but there is no need to. He personally advises, that instead of lighting a candle, which isn’t really helping anyone too much nowadays since no one is using the light of the candles, to give money to and shul or yeshiva for the electric of one of the lights. This way the neshoma has the zechus of the torah and teffilah that is helped by the light.
  2. You can say a haskava every day, but only after a shiur torah, tefillah, so the mitzvah will be a zechut, but not just for nothing.
  3. There is no need, and not good to go to the cemetery too much. The minhag is after shiva, shloshim, some go after 11 months, and after 12 months, and Yahrtzeit.
  4. You can say the same pirkei tehillim that are usually said when going to the cemetery.

I don’t know what you mean by saying “shenot” at the grave.

  1. For a child the aveilut is only until 30 days, for hair and nails.
  2. The reason we don’t go to the kever twice in one day is because it appears lke we didn’t finish davening the first time. See sources.

 

Hamakom Yinachem Etchem.

Sources:

 

The source of not going to the kever twice in one day is from the Arizal, brought in Magen Avraham O:CH 581-16 and R’ Yehudah Hachasid- 12. See Even Yackov 24-4 that if anew reason to daven arose that one may go back to the kever even that day.

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