Question:
Aveilus for a parent and attendance at a grandson’s bar mitzvah. What is permitted?
Answer:
If the bar mitzvah boy will say a dvar torah, or if it is the actual day that he becomes bar mitzvah, it is controversial, but one can be lenient. It would be better if the avel can do some serving at the bar mitzvah.
If there is music there it is more of an issue, so he should do something to show that he isn’t taking part in the music. For example, learn a sefer, or be busy with something else at that time.
Sources:
Dagol M’rivava Y:D 391-2, Shut Tuv Taam V’daas third edition 2-86, Divrei Sofrim 391-73 (end – regarding a bris), R’ Y. Cahen shlit”a.
Additional reading:
- Avel attending a bris and bar mitzvah of a son during aveilus.
- Attending a social event for work purposes in year of mourning for a parent
- Minyan restricting aveilim
- Music during year after passing of a parent when doing exercise
- Dancing at My Sons bar mitzva while in Aveilus
- Can a Rebbe who is in aveilus for a parent, go to his students bar mitzvas?
- Listening to ambient music during aveilus