I got married 4 years ago and things have been rocky very often. we’ve had good times buts its been a roller coaster alot. Here is my question. On our wedding night my wife came out of the shower holding a bedika cloth with a redish pinkish spot on it. if i remember correctly it appeared to me as less then a gris. to make a long story short a little while later she made another bedika and it came out clean. We were together then. can this have anything to do with our problems now? I’ve felt guilty for a long time now even though we probably did nothing wrong. any advice ?
I am sorry to hear that things are going rough for you.
Regarding your question, I agree with you that you probably didn’t do anything wrong. I would assume that you spoke with a rov about it, and that it was fine. Besides I am sure that even if it was something, that you did teshuva, vidui etc. and therefore even on the chance that it was something, it is forgiven. However the main thing right now is to forget about it!! Even in the worst case, that you made a mistake, MOVE ON. One of the big yetzer hora’s that we have nowadays is that the yetzer hora, tells us that we are doomed, and he puts all sorts of terrible ramifications in our head. H-shem forgives, and He wants you to move on.
As a side point if you would like advise from someone, very experienced and highly recommended to assist you with your shalom bayis, let me know.