Question:
If a person did something that they can’t receive kapara for until they die (or in a less extreme example, until Yom Kippur), how should they approach Hashem in between the time when they attempted to do teshuva and when they receive kapara? Should every tefillah and interaction be with remorse? Should they continually ask for forgiveness or express remorse? Should they avoid asking for kapara since it’s not allowed until later? What is the proper way to live with the knowledge of what they did and the fact that it isn’t easily atoned for? Thank you.
Answer:
H-shem is always ready with open arms to accept our teshuva, and He loves us even though the kapara process is not completed. Even if it for aveiros that need other things besides teshuva, such as Yom Kippur in order for the kapara to be complete, it doesn’t mean that H-shem doesn’t love us for that period, it only means that the process is not yet completed. For example, a child that did something terrible in school and his parents punished him that he can not go on the school trip the next week. The child apologized, and he genuinely felt bad, and his parents feel bad that they have to give him this punishment, but their relationship can be fine, even though the retribution for what he did was not yet fulfilled. It is the same with us, if we feel bad about what we did, confessed our aveiro to H-shem and took upon ourselves to improve, then we have done teshuva, and our relationship with H-shem then, is even stronger then it was before we sinned. After we have done teshuva we should not occupy every teffiloh with remorse, and ask forgiveness again and again. Maybe for very pious people this would be proper, but not for people in our generation. Nowadays what we have to do, is to do proper teshuva as I described, and then FORGET about it, and get on with your life! After we have done teshuva, the yetzer hora wants to bog us down with guilt, to try to keep us down and depressed. Therefore H-shem’s ratzon is that after you did teshuva, move on and concentrate on how much H-shem loves you.
