Hi, I divorced a few months ago and I moved to a different city . Once a month my ex husband comes to visit the kids , and take them out. may I allow him into the house for few minutes for example to use the bathroom, take a drink ? He travels to get the kids a hour and half and I felt like it would be mean not to allow that. Or once one of my kids really wanted to show him her new room and furniture, is this against strict Halacha ? I was told after the ghet by the rabbis there that we may not see each others ever and we must work only through third person. Waiting for reply thanks!
Technically what the Rabbis told you was correct, however it is very difficult to carry out. The idea is that since you are now divorced, you have to be especially careful not to do things that are friendly or get friendly with him, (This doesn’t mean that you have to fight, but that you have to be extra careful that things don’t develop.) Therefore if he needs the bathroom, and he doesn’t really have a choice, that would not be considered being friendly to him, however to offer him a drink would be incorrect. Your children can offer him a drink, but not that you are the offering it. This is all under the pretense that his coming into the house will not be yichud, if it will be yichud then even coming in for the bathroom will not be permitted.
E:H 119-8, Taz ibid 18, R’ Saltz shlit”a.