Question:

Hi. I’m a single woman. Two years ago a local askan in town referred me to therapist, a woman, who had recently moved to town with her family. Being in a fragile point at that time, I took his word for it and scheduled a session with her, leading to a therapeutic relationship with her for the next two years. During that time, it had come to my knowledge that she also does Shidduchim on the side. Being an older single woman in my 30’s, I asked her if she’d be able to help me, especially since she knows me by now pretty well. She answered that as a therapist she cannot. The problem is that since working with her, she has made two of my closest friends Shidduchim. I’m upset because I know that if the askan would’ve told me in advance that she also is a shadchan, I wouldn’t have agreed to go to her as a client. When I brought up this issue with the askan, his insensitive answer was, “Well, then obviously she’s not meant to be your shadchan!” Not only was it hurtful what he said, but it shows that he takes no responsibility for his referral. I feel that this is a mekach taus and I’m wondering if I’m entitled for monetary compensation for emotional and mental anguish. Thank you.

Answer:

This sounds like it is very frustrating and trying for you to hear that this woman who is a good shadchan can not help you. Regarding your question, one one hand you did gain a lot from the therapeutic relationship that you had with the therapist. The fact that had you known beforehand that you wouldn’t of gone to her would not make it a mekach taus, because what she gave you was not faulty in any way.

Although you had mental anguish from this story, from a halachic angle, I don’t think a bais din would award you a monetary reward for mental anguish because the askan answered you in an insensitive way. H-shem has many messengers, and He isn’t bound by this particular shaddchin, therefore although it is frustrating for you, when the right time comes, H-shem is going to send you your shidduch through someone else. IY”H that time should come really soon, and you should find your bashert in the near future and you should be zoche to build a bayis neeman b’yisroel.

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