Question:
Must a wife ask her husband before she spends money? What if she wants to go for therapy or to a Rav and he won’t respect it? He never withholds her and I’m talking large money. Does it depend on how much she spends on their financial status?
Answer:
The Jewish marital agreement basically works I the following manner. The husband takes upon himself to provide his wife with basically all of her needs. This includes ten things. In return he is given four things. He has to provide her with food, clothing, lodging, and personal time together. He has to pay her medical expenses, her ransom if she were to get kidnapped. He has to pay her kesuba. If she dies, he has to pay for her funeral, and even provide food for their children. If he dies first she is supported from his estate as long as she is considered his widow. Chazal also said that because he supports her, her paycheck goes to him. Therefore, generally she may not spend money that he does not allow. She doesn’t have to ask him before spending small sums because we can readily assume that he doesn’t mind. (This will depend somewhat on their financial situation). However if it is something that he specifically doesn’t want her to spend she is not allowed to spend it. Regarding your specific question, it is possible though, that even if he doesn’t respect the therapy, he will allow you to spend the money on it because you really want it, but this is something that he will have to specifically allow.
A woman has the right to say that she doesn’t want to be supported by her husband, and her paycheck should remain hers. However this will make things very complicated in the house, and I hope that things don’t get to that.
Regarding therapy, it depends what it is for, because it might be included in a medical expense. This is something that is very individual, and can’t be answered in a general way, and you will have to ask a local Rov that knows your situation about this.
Best Wishes
Sources:
Even Haezer 68 1-4.
