Question:
Chazal discuss the chashivus of having a son versus a daughter. How are we to approach this in 5779? I wonder if our view may have a changed over the course of centuries?
Are we actually supposed to feel less joyous on the birth of a daughter versus a boy?
Many people only have daughters and are never zoche to have boys- should they feel even slightly sad about that?
We pasken that in order to fulfill Pru Urvu, one needs to have one boy and one girl. Let’s say a couple continues to have many girls– (leaving aside the emotional/physical considerations) is there some point in halacha that we say they are yotzei without having a boy?
Thanks in advance for your thoughts and any good marei mekomos you can provide on these topics.
Answer:
The Torah’s view does not change with time and with style. Judaism believes that the world was created from the torah and out of the truths of the torah. Therefore, although people’s opinion may change, the torah, and chazal’s view of the world doesn’t change. Regarding being happy when one has a boy of a girl, it is quite obvious that a person should be very joyous when he has a boy as when he has a girl.
In order to fulfill the mitzva of pru urvu, we need have a boy and a girl, therefore a person that only has boys is the same as a person that only has girls. There is a difference though between having all boys and all girls, is that if he has all girls, his family name will no longer be remembered, but if he has only boys it will. This is in part one of the reasons that a boy is called a zachor, which is the same letters as the word zecher- to remember. As far as I know even if the couple has ten girls, it is the same as ten boys, and he is not yotza the mitzva yet.
Both men and women have a purpose, and the world cannot exist without them. H-shem sent each one down to this world in order to fulfill a specific purpose, and the fulfillment for each one is to do the job that they were sent to this world to accomplish. The Midrash (Bamidber Rabba 16-1, Tanchuma Shlach-1) says, “There is nothing that is as cherished in the eyes of H-shem as a messenger that carries out is job”. Whether the person was created a girl or a boy, if he/she is careful to carry out the job that he/she was given he/she will earn their just reward, and if not then not. Who are we to know whose job is more important, the mother’s job or the father’s job? Modern society looks at what is popular, and unfortunately not at what is of essence. Yes, the father’s job is more in the public eye, and the mother’s is more in the private, but who says that one is more important that the other. Popular yes, but in terms of importance, they are either the same or perhaps the mother’s job is more important.
H-shem should help you that you should enjoy the wonderful gifts that He has bestowed upon you
Sources:
Shulchan Aruch E:H1-5, See Radvaz 126 that even if a person has 1000 boys or girls he is still not fulfilled pru urvu until he has a boy and a girl. As a side point see sefer Ish Ubayso pg. 102, who brings from Eizor Eliyahu (Korban Eliyahu pg. 58), that one of the reasons for the mitzva is to emulate H-shem, and He created men and women, so too we are commanded to have a boy and a girl.
