Question:
When giving mishloach manos, is it OK to also have in mind that one is giving it as an expression of hakaras hatov, or should one have in mind only the mitzvah and no other intentions?
Also, there are many people that I owe hakaras hatov to. If I would buy 2 items for each one, it would be a lot of money (and for some of them, I don’t feel comfortable giving a cheap bottle of wine; I feel that it is appropriate to give them a nice mishloach manos). What should I do? Could I just not give to all of them, and should I make an effort to give to as many people as possible given what they have done for me (such as giving me free tefillin, giving me a free apartment, hosting me on numerous occasions)?
Answer:
You can have in mind that it is also for hakoras hatov. The main reason is because it is a mitzva to do, and the side reason is because of hakaras hatov. Bear in mind that you are yotza after giving to one person, therefore after that is really is because of haloras hatov, and the extra one that are sent are a hiddur, but not a chiyuv.
Since you have a lot of people that you feel you have to express your haloras hatov, not giving any of them is not going to solve the issue, it will only make it worse, because then you aren’t showing hakosras hatov to anyone. Do what you can, and based on your means and budget decide to who you can afford and what you can afford.
Best wishes
Thank you for the prompt response.
What I meant to ask is that maybe I could give to just some of those people, but not all of them? Or should I push myself to give to all of them, or at least most, even though it will add up to a lot of money? If someone does not get from me, maybe they will take it as a sign of bad middos?
It is true, they might take it as that, but there are other ways to get around that. Such as calling them on or before Purim to wish them a happy Purim, and remind them that you still remember the good things that they did for you, (and say what they did for you). This way they know that you they are still on your radar and that you haven’t forgotten what they did for you.
Feel the same way with my Rebbeim – write a heart felt letter to each person along with whatever you give. Trust me, the letter of gratitude goes further than the nicest mishloach manos.
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