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Harchokos on Yom Vesses

During the Onas Haveses, is only Chibbuk V’Nishuk Asur? May the couple hold hands, for example? And is a little kiss on the cheek included in “Chibbuk”?


The Halachah is that marital relations are forbidden, but many early authorities forbid Chibbuk V’Nishuk as well, and the Bach rules that “Hamachmir tavoh alav beracha.” (Other harchakos do not apply on the Yom Havesses unless, of course, the woman becomes a Niddah.) R’ Kalman Kahana (Taharas Bas Yisrael) that one should avoid on this day all contact that indicates affection.

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  1. If the idea is to give a non-confusing p’sak, then how is that accomplished with above?

    1. We thought that the Psak was clear. Perhaps we can clarify a little.
      Me’ikkar hadin, chibbuk venishuk is permitted. However, bearing in mind that many Rishonim forbid it, “Hamachmir tovoh olov Berochoh.”
      It is up to the reader to decide if he wants to be a machmir or not, perhaps depending on the individual circumstances.

    2. How about the following:
      Everything other than actual marital relations is permitted, and one can certainly act this way.
      At the same time, there is a virtue of avoiding hugging and kissing.
      As with other “virtuous” yet non-obligatory acts, the decision to adopt this practice depends on personal circumstances and dispositions.

  2. why wouldn’t you refer to the pischei tishuva that halivai sheyishmiru mah shemutal aleyhem, especially when we dont find that the isur of chibuk is on marital relations, only on shema yavo… therefor we dont find that holding hands should even go into that .

    1. I quoted the Bach, based on many Rishonim, but I clearly wrote that this is a chumrah, and that me’ikkar hadin it is permitted

  3. Unfortunately, in the Beth Jacob system chumrot are often confused as the original law. I have been taught that during harchokos all touch is forbidden. As a mother of four boys I find it hard to refrain from receiving any form of affection. I feel I need some physical nurturing in order to have the strength to nurture my boys properly.
    I was wondering if there was a clear article written by a reputable Talmid Chochom … I could read of what really is assur during this time and what is a chumra. I need to know specifics because I am very much in the dark. Thank you for your time.

  4. Rabbi Pfeffer, it seems from reading Miriam Shechters comment that she was referring to when she is really a Niddah and not just during an ona! I don’t think she understood that this post is only by an ona!!

    1. I see what you mean.
      Miriam, please note that the entire discussion here refers to the Onah period – the time when a woman is not menstruating, but must not be with her husband for fear of the onset of her period. For the time of harchakos in general – the twelve-or-so day period before Mikvah – refraining from physical contact is a full halachah and not a stringency.
      Thanks very much.

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