My son is 14 and has mild anxiety .He attended religious schools. He not in a hurry to be religious. It turns out he learned at school that a man who learned one line of gemara died because he had reached his full potential in this world. He also learned that Hashem judges the righteous more strictly, so in his words he has no desire to be tzaddik .He is an intelligent boy. What would you tell him to make him feel more confident in striving to be a better jew? I OF COURSE explained to him that our goal is to get to the next world as perfected as possible so Hashem tries to correct us according to our potential, but he is not interested he doesnt want think about that. I guess he believes in Hashem but wants to stay under his radar to remain blissfully undetected and free, a little bit like Yona, but as a mother how do I deal with this?
Answer:
This is a difficult question to address without knowing the boy, and without the possibility of personal contact. In addition, things can change very fast — next year he might have an inspiring teacher, or a good friend that will help him to appreciating the beauty of religious life. From some experience with other cases, I would make three general points:
1. Acceptance. Make sure that you accept him the way he is. Show him love, care, affection, and understanding, no matter what.
2. Personal Example. Only personal example can demonstrate how Torah life is harmonious and calm, and breeds contentment and satisfaction. Ensure that Shabbos/Yom Tov/other religious events are enjoyable experiences. If he grows up in a happy, content and secure religious environment, he is likely to return to it.
3. Personal connection. Often, an out-of-the-family connection will be able to have more direct influence than the family itself. If you could find an extra-curricular activity with the right person or people that could have a positive influence, this might be of great avail.
Other than this, don’t forget prayer. Although our children have free will, and at the end of the day they will be their own masters, we always require Divine assistance, and the tears of mothers in heartfelt prayer to Hashem has done much for children over the generations.
Good Luck!
