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Marrying the Victim

I attended a shiva for my mother-in-law and a Rabbi decided to add what is says in the Talmud that corresponds to each letter of her name. One of the laws was that a rapist can be forced to marry the woman he raped. He said it like he was talking about ice cream.

I didn’t disrupt the shiva I simply walked out. I want to tell him that it was innapropriate and inciting hatred against women. It’s two months later and I’m still angry. What would you say to him and what do you say to me. I grew up Orthodox and the Talmud has a lot of wisdom in it but why do people keep learning parts of it that are hurtful to women today?

Answer:

In an ancient society, the obligation of a rapist to marry his victim was intended to protect the woman in question. After being raped, she was placed in a weak social position, and the rapist was therefore obligated to protect her. For its time, this should be seen as a great step forwards in women’s rights.

Obviously, in today’s world this doesn’t sound much like women’s lib., but it is important to note that there is no obligation for the woman to marry him–she can say no, and be free of the rapist.

Although by modern social standards the law might not have much practical relevance, it continues to be studied as part of the Torah and the Talmud, and it continues to be a part of Divine wisdom, which can be understood on many levels.

Just because of changes in modern life, we do not erase parts of the Torah and the Talmud. However, when they are studied, the person teaching them ought to say a word about application in the modern world.

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