Shadchanus Question

Interesting shailo in שדכנות …

The following situation happened, what’s the halacha?

Reuvan for many years had his eye on a particular boy for his daughter. When it came the time to find her a shidduch he very much wanted this boy but wasn’t going to call Shimon (the father of the boy) and start dealing with him directly. Instead Reuvan asked his good friend of over 35 years, Levi, to call Shimon to offer Reuven’s daughter.

(After speaking to Reuven, Shimon, and Levi I got the impression that of course all of them understand the involvement of Levi in this whole process to be different. However in short Levi did the following…I think also this between all of them is the truthful account of Levi’s involvement)

He first called Shimon to offer him the shidduch (posing somewhat as a shadchan, offering this girl on behalf of Reuven who very much wanted the boy. Shimon I think all along knew this, how much Reuven wanted his son.) Over a period of a few months Levi was the one in between making the phone calls. Reuven and Shimon wouldn’t speak to each other rather if there were any questions or answers that needed to be passed back and fourth Levi would make the call. According to Levi and Reuven (Shimon failed to mention this point) that on at least one occasion Levi went to the Yeshiva of the boy to see how he learns, acts, etc. As well Levi even spoke to the boy on at least one occasion in person to “feel him out” more… Shimon said to me he only spoke to Levi 2 times and “a few other times but in regards to business deals and not this shidduch… According to Levi and Reuven, Levi had spoken to Shimon a lot more than 2 times.)

Eventually when Shimon’s side was getting more interested and wanting to pursue things more Reuven and Shimon decided they can talk among themselves and didn’t need Levi in the middle. From this point on they were on their own. Shimon and his wife had moved to America recently from Eretz Yisrael. They made up with Reuven to first send a shliach to meet Reuven’s daughter to decide if it was worth it for them to come. At this point they were already talking to each other without Levi.

Eventually, the parents themselves came, met the other side, met the girl themselves, the boy and girl met and Baruch HaShem got engaged 2 nights ago. By the tanoim last night Reuven Shimon and Levi all sat together. Reuven is ready to pay whatever he has to al pi halacha and whatever a Dayan says. However Shimon believes that Levi was not even a “matziah” rather *half* of a “matziah” but was still willing to give him a third ($350). Levi of course didn’t like this and wanted the full amount of a shadchan since he offered it and did at least half of the work (according to him much of the work to get to the point that the 2 sides should speak to each other directly and become serious. In this regard Shimon said it was no problem to speak to Reuven directly, but understood that at least in the very beginning there needed to be someone to call and initiate it as Reuven himself was going to do this.) In the end Shimon wrote him a check for $500 with somewhat of a lev shalem and said he’s willing to speak it over with a Dayan and follow whatever they say. In the meanwhile I’m quite curious to know what’s the halacha in this case. Obviously they will go to someone official. However yagdil Torah v’adir….Thank you!

Answer:

Based on the Pischei Teshuvah, the role of the shadchan divides into three: The maschil (beginning), the gomer (the end), and the middle stage.

Poskim relate to the maschil as the person who first brought the sides together. In this case, it was Levi who brought the sides together, becuase Reuven was not willing to undertake this on his own. Although the idea was not Levi’s, by asking Levi to do the job Reuven effectively gives him the job of a maschil.

Levi went on to do much more that this initial stage, but did not complete the shidduch on his own, and it is unclear how much beyond the job of a maschil was even conferred upon him. I think the $500 amount is fair, though it is hard to come to a set amount.

For the general halachos pertaining to this case, please see our article on the topic at https://dinonline.org/2010/10/28/chayei-sarah-halachic%C2%A0aspects%C2%A0of%C2%A0the%C2%A0shadchan/.