For donations Click Here

Confoming to Husban’s Customs for Niddah

If a chasan comes from ashkanazi background and the kalla comes from Sefardic background, how far do we make the kalla conform to her husbands customs. On private issues relating to the kalla and indirectly relating to the husband like counting 4 or 5 days before the 7 clean days or the time for going to the mikva. Can the girl keep her own sefardic minhagim? In following the harchakas, can the woman keep sefardic minhagim even if the man is ashakanazi?

Last point of information: The man is moving into her families Sefardic community as well in this case. Or do we say that the woman has to follow the Rema and standard ashkanazi customs in all of the laws relating to family purity?

Answer:

In general, a wife follows her husband’s customs for all intents and purposes, for stringencies and for leniencies alike. See Iggros Moshe (see Orach Chaim 1:159; Even Ha-Ezer 1:58; for leniencies, see Rabbi Ovadyah Yosef in Chazon Ovadyah, who writes that there is a need for hataras nedarim, but this is not the general ruling). See also Yabia Omer (Vol. 5, Orach Chaim 37) in the name of the Tashbatz (3:179), and see also Kovetz Sinai 85, p. 34.

However, with regard to issues of hair covering Rav Moshe writes that a husband cannot tell his wife not to wear a sheitel, explaining that “this is her halachah” (meaning, that the issue of wearing a sheitel is her ‘personal’ issue, and a husband cannot instruct his wife in this matter).

It would appear that the issue of going to the mikva will also be considered “her halachah” — no less than wearing a sheitel — and therefore she would not be obligated to conform in this matter to Ashkenaz customs. She can, however, choose to adopt his custom in this matter, and this is certainly best if the husband is particular about the matter.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *