A relative on my husband’s side once said something hurtful to me about finding a shidduch for a relative on my side. I feel in my heart that I have forgiven her. But her daughter is getting older and is having a hard time finding a shidduch. I am wondering if my “hurt” is impeding her finding a shidduch. The relative who said the hurtful thing has no idea that she hurt me. I never told her. Furthermore, it was many years ago,I think even more than ten years. Is there anything I can do halachically to say I totally forgive her without approaching her since she has no idea that I was hurt and that it was many years ago?(And there is no reason to bring that up now!)
It is very commendable that you are willing and ready to forgive your relative. למען השלום, it would seem that you are correct in not wanting to bring it up at this point. Your decision to forgive her certainly works as halachic forgiveness. Perhaps davening for the daughter and specifically that no bad should come to her on your account would be helpful, in truly feeling complete forgiveness.