I became observant a little over a year ago and I made teshuva on a certain avera that I dealt with the most, but the teshuva was mostly out of fear. I recently did the same avera after so long of battling it but this time I did teshuva out of pure love for Hashem, how can I do this to Hashem, forget about me, but I hurt Hashem by doing this. I know Hashem loves me and will always love me no matter what and everything He does IS good, so I’m not worried about myself. Of course I don’t want to do the avera again and I’m disappointed in myself for giving in and doing it but it’s not about me it’s about Hashem. My question is basically is this a sufficient teshuva? Because most of what I’ve read about teshuva is know you did something wrong, regret you did it, say sorry, and don’t do it again. So I’m not really sure if I have truly made teshuva or not by not being so sad or mad at myself really I wasn’t angry like I was the first time I did teshuva, it was more of a “how could I have just done that to Him?” and then felt bad about that but I wasn’t scared about punishment or being further from Hashem, so I’m not sure if that was the right way to feel or make sufficient teshuva.
Answer:
Repentance from fear and from love are not exclusive of each other. Both should be used in the path to complete tshuva. So while you can focus on one or the other depending on your situation, tshuva should always include remorse and commitment for the future.
