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Conflicts in Kibud Av Va’em

Shalom Rav,

is there a priority regarding Kibud Av Va’Em?

Example: My mother opened the window in the bedroom. Few minutes later my father opened the french window (door of the balcony) and because of the ventilation a glass door almost broke …

So my father accused my mother (in a very unpleasent tone) for forgetting to close the door of the bedroom, when she opens the window in that room. BUT actually he was the last one to leave the bedroom before opening the french window – but my mother didn’t know.

>>Question: Can / Should I intervene and remind both that actually it was the negligence of my father, so there is no point in being rude to my mother?

Can you also please bring other examples or an additional general rule for similar situations.

I love this site and visit it frequently.
Thank you in advance.


The question is not one of priority, in which your father would have preference over your mother, rather this is a situation where your father is behaving improperly. So the question is, can and should a son rebuke his father when he sees him doing something wrong. The answer is yes but with a few conditions. Firstly, that it is done in a way of respect, and in a roundabout way. So it should be done in private and in the form of a question “did mother actually forget to close the door?”. In addition this is only if you feel there is a chance your father will be receptive to your words. If he will just become upset and not listen anyway, nothing should be said.


Shulchan Aruch Y:D 240:11, 240:14

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