Question:

I am a single 30+ year old man. There is a married woman who I’ve known for many many years as our mutual whole families are friends. I was always attracted to her from around the time she got married and possibly even before then, and she also seemingly has a liking too me as well. Of course, without question, nothing physical or serious would ever take place, chas vashalom. Not even close. However, my question is as follows: if there’s a Simcha in her area and I know she will be there, am I required not to go simply to avoid seeing her? Meaning, how far does one have to take this issue? Many people would say, you can do and say everything to her as long as there’s no physical relationship. Other people would go the opposite extreme and say, no, you cant go to “Hakhel” (joking) if she will be there too. I’m just showing the two extremes.

What’s the din in terms of my obligations to to control my thoughts and my actions. If I like her and she likes me and we both don’t do anything, is that an issue? And are we required not to ever be in the vicinity of the other?

Answer:

Since she is already married and you still fell affection for her you are required to avoid her as much as possible.

Sources:

Rambam Isurey Beoh 21:2&22:18-21, E:H 21:1.

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One Response to “Proper action (issue relating to tznius, arayos, etc.)”

  1. Thank you for your clear answer to my question. The thing is, I have somewhat of an objection and wanted to perhaps get clarity. There is a Midrash about Dovid Hamelech that discusses how he and Batsheva were destined to marry from the time of creation (whether they were Gilgulim of Adam and Chava or not – either way), and that Batsheva used to pass by Dovid’s window wearing her finest jewelry to make him happy about the notion that one day they would be married. However that Midrash is to be interpreted, doesn’t it seem as if simply feeling affection for a currently-married woman is not a bad thing, because if that wasn’t true, then how could Batsheva pose or put herself on display for Dovid with “her finest adornments” if it were Assur?

    Thanks again for your time,

    Yechezkel

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