Proper action (issue relating to tznius, arayos, etc.)

Question:

I am a single 30+ year old man. There is a married woman who I’ve known for many many years as our mutual whole families are friends. I was always attracted to her from around the time she got married and possibly even before then, and she also seemingly has a liking too me as well. Of course, without question, nothing physical or serious would ever take place, chas vashalom. Not even close. However, my question is as follows: if there’s a Simcha in her area and I know she will be there, am I required not to go simply to avoid seeing her? Meaning, how far does one have to take this issue? Many people would say, you can do and say everything to her as long as there’s no physical relationship. Other people would go the opposite extreme and say, no, you cant go to “Hakhel” (joking) if she will be there too. I’m just showing the two extremes.

What’s the din in terms of my obligations to to control my thoughts and my actions. If I like her and she likes me and we both don’t do anything, is that an issue? And are we required not to ever be in the vicinity of the other?

Answer:

Since she is already married and you still fell affection for her you are required to avoid her as much as possible.

Sources:

Rambam Isurey Beoh 21:2&22:18-21, E:H 21:1.