Hello Rabbi, my wife is a yoledes and it’s very difficult for us to be separated from each other….I saw in Tur that according to Torah, a yoledes is a tehora between either 7-33 days or 14 and 66 for a boy or girl respectively. Only once Ashkenazim started applying the chumra of R’ Zeyra did ladies start waiting 7 days on dam tahor.
My question is, if it will lead to being nichshol, either z”l or hugging and kissing, is there a heter to have my wife go to mikve even though there is spotting and also not have tashmish?
Unfortunately I don’t think such a heter exists.
The Shuchan Aruch Y:D 194-1 says that nowadays all woman that give birth are considered to have given birth when they are a zava, and therefore they all need 7 clean days. Although from day 7or 14 until 40 or 80 technically m’dorayso it is called dam tahor, however the custom from the time of the gemorah, for ashkenazim and sefardim. The Shulchan Aruch states specifically that she has to have 7 clean days in order to become tahor. This is not something that ashkenazim started to apply.
Since she is not tahor until after she has seven clean days and only then goes to the mikvah, therefore until then, all of the halachos will apply.
After a woman has a child it is a trying period for the couple, however there is a lot that the couple can grow during this period. I once heard an interesting idea, that it says that during sheva brachos we bless the bride and groom that they should have, “gila, rina, ditza, chedva” , then we continue “ahava, achva shalom v’reius”. That it says that gila rina etc. these are terms of excitement, and they represent the days that the couple are permitted, however ahava, achva, shalom, rieius, (love, brotherhood, peace, and friendship is referring to when the couple are not permitted. The idea being that when they are permitted we don’t really know that they really care for each other, because the other things that are pulling them together, but when they are not permitted, that is when the real show of love and concern can be achieved.
May you both have many long years together, and much nachas from your new baby.