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Rabbi, if I did something to hurt someone but contacting them to tell them I’m sorry would probobly upset them as well as members of my family, how does one do Teshuvah? In order to be forgiven you must apologize to the individual. But what if the individual and others you know would be upset by my contacting to apologize?


This seems to be a complicated situation, but let’s divide the issue into two separate problems. On one hand, you are afraid that if you approach the person that you upset, that would upset them. Secondly, you are afraid that making up with the person will upset some of your family members.

For the first issue, you can ask someone else to go over to the person or to call him and he should express your remorse to him and ask him for mechila for you. Regarding your family, that is trickier. I don’t know the situation, but if the person will call to ask mechila for you, will make sure that the call remains private, your family won’t know about it, and they won’t be upset.


M:B 606-2.

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