Question:

if somebody lies for shalom bayis, does that mean that they have to keep that loe? for “i am not going etc” can he actually go afterward?

Answer:

The idea of changing or lying for peace, is never a l’chatchila thing to do. It is only when one has no other choice to save the peace that it may be done. The torah tells us, “mdvar sheker tirchak” not only should we not lie, but we should distance ourselves from falsehood.  The whole reason someone may change for peace is because shalom is of such paramount importance, that when left with no choice, it is permitted. This “heter”  however only applies to things in the past, such as if you did something etc. However for things in the future, a person is not allowed to lie. If someone says that he will do something, he cannot say afterwards that he doesn’t have to do it because he never meant it and he only meant to lie for shalom.   If he says he will do something he has to keep to his word.

Sources:

Sefer Chasidim 426, Magen Avrohom 156, Shulchan Arch Horav ibid, Chasam Sofer 6-59.

Tags: lying shalom

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