Question:
Funeral is tomorrow, Sunday for my elderly mother in law on the other coast, and I won’t be present at funeral.
WHAT are the mourning customs for grown grandchild when son of grandparents is already deceased? There are 2 grandchildren, 1 female, 1 male, from differant parents.
Both sons of deceased are already deceased.
My daughter, the granddaughter lives near her beloved paternal grandma and has always been VERY CLOSE and is in charge of handling all her Granny’s affairs the last few years.
What may the granddaughter do in terms of mourning rituals especially since there are no adult children alive? Sit SHIVA?
Are there any obligations regarding mourning rituals for grandchild, who has arranged the funeral details? DOES SHE SIT SHIVA? May she? Light a candle? Say Kaddish?
Thank you. Need to know for tomorrow, 2.17.19
Answer:
There is a halacha that when someone has a relative that he would have to sit shiva for him, if that person is sitting shiva, and the person is in the same city as that person then he has certain halachos of shiva. For example when one in law passes away and their spouse is sitting shiva. However if the relative already died and they are not going to be sitting shiva, this halacha does not apply. Therefore there are no shiva halachos that your daughter has to observe. Nevertheless that does not mean that there is nothing for them to do for the merit of their beloved grandmother.
First of all, since it sounds like there won’t be anyone actually sitting shiva, if possible there should be a minyan to daven the tefillos in the home of the deceased. Also, a candle should be lit for the full 7 days in the home of the grandmother, in her memory. If the grandson can, he should daven for the amud for the 11 month period, and say kaddish, as it sounds like there isn’t anyone else that will be doing so. He should also learn mishnayos in his grandmothers memory, (it is preferable to learn something, even if it only a little bit, each day.) Even the granddaughter can say tehillim or say brachos, give tzedakah, or do any other mitzvah in the merit of her grandmother’s neshoma. When the grandchild is occupied with the funeral arrangements he is exempt from doing other mitzvos.
May H-shem comfort you your family and all of the mourners in Klal Yisroel.
Sources:
Shut Even Yisroel 8-78, Rema Y:D 376-3,
Thank you for your reply. I appreciate that. Bottom line, with the sons already dead, z”l, “Therefore there are no shiva halachos that your daughter has to observe.” And yet, she, the granddaughter “can say tehillim or say brachos, give tzedakah, or do any other mitzvah in the merit of her grandmother’s neshoma”. This she will do, and certainly has and continues to do for her own father, z”l.
Correct.
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