I have a teshuva question.
When I was in yeshiva, shortly after becoming more religious, Rav Eliyashiv z’l passed away. The yeshiva went to be melaveh Rav Elyashiv, along with many others. I did not appreciate the mitzah and minhag to be mivatel learning to escort a gadol and did not appreciate the situation in general. After coming out and waiting for a long time outside in very crowded conditions, past the time that we expected the procession to begin, I ended up going back to the yeshiva.
I feel guilty about doing this — what is the best way to rectify this issue? Donating money l’ilui? Mechila at gravesite? Maybe I’m overreacting?
First of all I don’t that you have to feel guilty. The main point of your going to the levaya was in order to show kavod hatorah, and kavod hamais, and this was accomplished by your going there. You joined the 100’s of thousands of people that left their homes at 10-11 pm to show kavod for the gadol hador. Therefore you don’t have to feel that your leaving was an affront to R’ Eliyashiv zt”l. If you want to do something for R’ Eliyashiv, because you feel that you slighted him, do what he loved most – learning torah, and learn some mishnayos l’iluy nishmaso.