Question:
Due to my frequently making nedorim/shevo’us when angry and then regretting them, my Rov told me to say “any neder or shavuoh that I make should not take effect” (and I should repeat it at least once a year and I have to actually mean it when I say it). Based on this, is it pointless for me to say the usual bli neder e.g. I will try to ______ bli neder, as any neder won’t take effect anyway?
Thanks
Answer:
You should definitely still say bli neder. The reason is because this statement does not help for most nedarim! It will only help for nedarim that were made and you forgot at the time of saying the neder that you made that statement, but if you remember the statement that you made and you say the neder anyways, (like when you are mad) the neder will still apply. In fact if you remember the statement that you made and you still make a neder, it is possible that you totally invalidated the previous statement. Additionally there are poskim that say that this statement will only help if you remember the statement right after saying the neder, but if you didn’t remember it until later, then the neder is still valid. Therefore in order for this statement to work it has to be that you didn’t remember it while you said the neder, but remembered immediately after saying it.
Aside from this, the Rema says that l’chatchila we do not rely on this statement, but only when there is a great need, otherwise it would still need hatoras nedarim.
After all of this so what does the statement help for? It does help for when a person did a good act three times, or once while thinking that he will continue it, which is considered a neder. For such nedarim where the person didn’t actually say the neder, that is where this statement works.
Therefore the best thing is to stop making statements that contain nedarim, but at least make sure to always say bli neder.
Best Wishes… and remember to say bli neder
Sources:
Shulchan Aruch 211-2, Rema ibid-1, Radvaz 4-33, Elef Hamagen 581-102, Aruch Hashulchan Y:D 211-10, Maharsham Y:D 211-2, Kol Nidrei Chapter 81.
