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Teshuva for Kaas and Prohibited Negiah

Question:

If a husband struck his wife with something while she was a niddah because he got angry, what should the wife tell him if he asks for forgiveness? The wife is not personally insulted and was not hurt in any serious way but is unwilling to look away prohibited negiah and the lowering of her respect in front of the children. The wife did do something that would make someone angry and is taking steps to fix it. But this is not the first time something like this happened so just forgiving might just let this happen again if he gets angry about something else.

Answer:

We have two things to address here, the specific incident, and the main problem. Regarding what happened now, the fact that he was “over” on prohibited negiah, that is not your concern, the same way it isn’t up to you to be mochel, if he didn’t say a bracha before eating. This is a mitzva ben adom l’makom and it is his issue with H-shem.

The fact that he lowered your respect in the eyes of the children, that is a more serious issue, however children are not stupid, and when a spouse does something to the other that is wrong such as this, the children’s respect for you is not lowered, rather his respect was lowered in their eyes, because he acted inappropriately. (They may not say it, but this is what they think and feel) Unless you also acted inappropriately, then they will lose their respect for you, because of what you have done, not because of what your husband did to you. Additionally, not being mochel your husband is not going to cause your husband to act with more wisdom next time. This is because he got angry, and therefore at that time he wasn’t thinking properly, so if he will get angry again, the scenario will repeat itself unless concrete positive steps are taken to remove the underlying cause of friction between the two of you.

It does sound like the two of you need some guidance, and help working things out. If you would like a suggestion, we can help and refer you to someone even if you will want you identity to remain anonymous to the person you are talking to.

H-shem should help and guide you out of your difficulties.

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