My husband has brought me in the past surprise guests the divorced men , from shul on shabboss . I dont like surprises i need to prepare and know everything in advance with kids , school, bills and so on. Im
Not the spur of a moment type of personality. Ive told him repeatedly many times do not bring uninvited guests
I have to dress properly for guests, prepare extra food and deserts and be prepared with seating. He says im mean. Im tired when it comes to shabbos and i want To have a meal with my close family and rest not serve guests. I suffer from
Terribile back pain i receive monthly injections that may or may not work. I feel
A surprise guest is alot of pressure. I feel it is rude just to come over uninvited in advance.
I hear your predicament that is hard for you to have unannounced guest for a number of reasons. Many women feel that a guest is a pressure, and sometimes they feel that they can’t give the guest on the standard that they would like to when they come unannounced. All of this is true, and if having guest is hard on you, you are not obligated to have them. If it is too hard for you, you don’t have to do it. On the other hand, usually when a guest is unannounced, it is because of some reason, that now they really need a meal, and they are high and dry. Therefore, although it is very hard for numerous reasons, it might just be worth the effort and the difficulty.
R’ Chaim Velozener says something that is a really big helpful for when we have a mitzva to do and it is hard. times more than when doing it and it isn’t hard. He says that the Mishna says, that when a person does mitzva when it is difficult, that the reward is 100 because this is the real mitzva of hachnosas orchim, and the harder the mitzva is, (if you can handle it) the bigger the reward is. He adds to this, that “difficulty” or pain has a measurement to it. The gemora says tht something is considered “tzar” or pain even in the following manner. When a person puts his hand into his pocket to get out a quarter, and instead he took out a nickel, and now he has to put his hand back into his pocket to get out the quarter, that is already considered “tzar” (pain). Now each “unit of pain” which is the difficulty of putting your hand back into your pocket, magnifies the reward of the mitzva by 100 times. meanng that if a person does a mitzva and it was very easy, he will get the regular sechar for doing the mitzva, but if the mitzva has some difficulty, then the reward is 100 time greater. What happens if a person has a mitzvah that has two units of difficulty? He says the reward is not 100 plus 100, rather 100 X 100, + 10,000 times!! And if the person does a mitzva that has 3 units of difficulty that would be 1 million times the reward!! What would we say to doing the mitzva with a lot more than three units of difficulty, such as you uninvited guest? I don’t know if we have the calculator that can calculate how much more this mitzva is worth!!
Another point. According to some poskim, the real hachnosas orchim is when we have a situation where someone is really in need of a meal (or needs the warmth of a family). So, in a real way, when you do have to opportunity to have such a guest, you are really fortunate. Again, you don’t have to do it, if it is too hard, but if you do, how lucky you are.