Question:

Hello,
Thank you for your help.
My question deals with the parameters of upsetting a widow in the realm of shidduchim. A lady is dating a man and the man’s mother is a widow. The man wants to continue the shidduch and the lady does not (they have been dating for about 5/6 weeks). Is there any prohibition for the lady to end the shidduch if the man’s mother will be upset? (Obviously the lady has rights, but I would love clarification and advice on how to handle it the most sensitive, Halacha proper way)

Thanks again

Answer:

If the woman does not want to continue that shidduch, she has to break it off, and there is no prohibition for her to do so even if the man’s other is a widow and will be upset by it. On the other hand, since she is a widow, you should do it in as gentle of a way, so that it will be less painful for the man and for his mother. Generally if it is done in stages and not in one shot, it makes it easier. Such as first saying that you are not sure, and then only later telling him that you want to stop. Also if you present it in a way that they are not at fault, and that you respect them, it will make the blow easier.

H-shem should send both of you your bashert soon.

Tags: shidduch

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2 Responses to “upsetting widow”

  1. If you say you are not sure, isn’t it geneivas daas, as the man will continue doing things and spending time and money to win favor in the lady’s eyes, whereas she already decided not to continue with him?

    • I didn’t mean that they should continue, rather that she should break it to him in parts.

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