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Kibbud Em


Thank you so much for taking my question.
A relative is visiting from overseas. We arranged to meet. When I spoke with my parent and mentioned I was meeting this relative she was upset that this relative had contacted me as she said they had had a disagreement. I didn’t cancel the planned meeting as I didn’t want to worsen the situation. My parent didn’t tell me not to meet with the relative but now I am wondering if it would be a problem of not honouring my parent if I met with this relative. I don’t think the relative has any intention to say anything negative against my parent .
If it is a problem could I lie as to the reason why I can’t meet.
Thank you so much


You are allowed to meet the relative, and you don’t have to cancel the meeting. However you have to be very careful to make sure that you don’t hurt your mother. The reason for this is, that the Shulchan Aruch Y:D 240-16, writes that if a parent commands a child not to speak to someone because they had a fight with them, and they want their child to also be in fight with the person, that is essentially commanding the child to do an Aveiro, and the child doesn’t not have to obey the parent regarding this. Nevertheless, personally you have to make sure that your mother doesn’t get hurt emotionally from this.

If the opportunity presents itself, and you can be a catalyst to bring to two together, but remember to tread carefully with this, as you don’t want to do the wrong thing and upset your mother.

Best wishes

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