I am a little bit confused in how to behave regrading kriyat shema before bed.
(1) I understand there are diffirence of opinions wether it is a beracha for benefit or a beracha of praise.
if it is a beracha for a mitzvah one should seemingly have to go to bed straight away?
(2)I personally really struggle with going to bed straight away for afew reasons.some more noticeable than others: my main reason is that I am an avreich and one of the best times I have to speak with my wife is just before we go to sleep. furthermore in the event one wants to have relations it is difficult to say shema after because then one would have to get up and go wash his hands first which is sometimes not really convenient.
For these reasons I have been saying hamapil with out shem umalchut and then speaking with my wife.
Am I being too lenient?
Thank you for your question.
There is controversy if birkas hamapil is a birkas hashevach (bracha of praise) on the fact that Hashem created sleep, of it is a birkas nehenin (bracha of pleasure), in which case t should be immediately prior to falling asleep. (You wrote birkas hamitzvos, I am assuming that that was just a typo). Most poskim go with the Chayei Adam (35-4) that it is a bracha of praise and therefore b’deved if someone needs to drink or say a bracha it is permitted. See Piskei Teshuvos 239-3.
If you are going to still speak with your wife, by all means do so, and say hamapil when you are finished talking. Regarding relations, you can put some water near your bed and wash your hands afterwards, (which in any case is what both of you should do, see O:CH 4-18, M:B 240-54 and 239-5). Alternatively, even if you fall asleep, if you wake up and it is still nighttime you can still say the bracha.
Saying hamapil without the shem would seemingly not be the correct thing to do, because you are not saying the bracha at all, especially when there are other viable options.
Have a kesiva vchasima tova