Question:

Hi,

In advance of Yom Kippur and in the spirit of the chag, I approached a friend who I thought had wronged me and told him I forgave him for anything he had done to me; he didn’t ask for forgiveness, though he was happy to hear that I pre-empted and had forgiven him.

After a short amount of time, I realized that I still had some negative feeling about what happened. I said I forgave him without really thinking about what I was saying. At this point, should I re-approach my friend or just let it go and commit to speaking more truthfully next time?

Answer:

That is very nice of you to forgive your friend even though he didn’t come over to you. You did not have to do this, and this shows your fine, giving character.

There is no need to go to your friend even though you now realize that you still have some ill feeling about what happened. Since you were mochel the person at that time, and you really meant it, the person now has mechila, even though you now haven’t totally gotten over what happened. Additionally, there is no need to go over to the person again, as you didn’t have to go over even the first time. Additionally, there is no place for concern that you might have not spoken truthfully, because at the time that you told him you were mochel, you did mean it.

May Hashem help that everyone in Klal Yisroel should be mochel others the way you were mochel.

Best wishes

Tags: Forgiveness

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