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Saying something over told to you in confidence


I am related to someone that had a lot of money put away in savings. When it came time to marry off a child she went to use her money only to discover that a family member of hers absconded with all of her savings. I was informed about this in confidence from my mother in law – the victim who was stolen from kept this story very quiet. Now it’s time for this pious person to marry off a second child and they do not have a lot of money on hand. She turned to a modern sibling (who knows nothing about the maasa) and requested that the sibling’s maaser come his way to help pay for her child’s wedding expenses. The modern sibling is in a huff saying, “These frumies! They think they can have a lot of kids and then mooch off of relatives when it comes time to marry them off.” Am I permitted to relay to this person that the family member who asked for the maaser money did indeed have A LOT of money put away for the intent of marrying off her kids and all the money was stolen so that this person should respect this family member instead of thinking badly about her? I told my mother in law I would keep it quiet but I’m thinking maybe it’s necessary to say something. Please advise. Thank you so much and tizku l’mitzvos!



This is a very delicate situation.

Essentially you would be allowed to say something about it since it is for the benefit of the person you are talking about. However, exactly how this should be done is very delicate and tricky. The relative of yours, that lost all of that money kept quiet, most probably because it is more important to keep peace in the family, and not make this tricky situation explode. Therefore I can’t advise you to do this, because even if it is done, if you don’t say the correct thing to the other sibling, she will want to find out what happened…  This can potentially cause much more damage then the good that the person making the chasuna will gain from the amount of money that will be received.

May Hashem guide you and your relative should have be paid back many times over for thier mesiras nefesh for shalom.

Best wishes


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