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Secular couple getting married


I have a relative who has had a relationship with a secular Jewish man for some years and now they want to get married according to halacha.
I don’t know if they have been intimate all this time (although it would be quite miraculous if they haven’t!)

Someone in the family is pushing for them to get married quickly to avoid them from sin.
My question is, is there any advantage for them to get married if they may not keep Taharas Hamishpachah anyway?

Thank you.


Thank you for your question.
It seems that the relative is correct. As you write, it would be miraculous, and highly unlikely that they didn’t have any relationship until now, and I would assume that they did. Therefore until they get married they have the sin of nidda and or having a relationship out of wedlock. By them getting married, at least one of the sins will stop, therefore it would be better for them to marry sooner than later.
On the other hand, there is a potential issue with such a couple getting married. That is that although the couple wants to have a Jewish wedding, the unfortunate fact is that many couples nowadays the divorce rate is quite high, and if they do get divorced the chances that they will specifically want a Jewish divorce is low. This would cause that if the girl ever remarries the children will be mamzerim. Due to this concern there is controversy among the poskim if it is best for them to have a real kosher wedding or not. I am not getting into the issue, and the Rov that will officiate will have to decide what he wants to do.
To sum things up there is an advantage to them getting married earlier, if the officiating Rabbi indeed wants to make it a kosher marriage.
Best wishes



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