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One spouse doesn’t want to divorce

Question:

Hi, after my first baby I was diagnosed with post-partum depression. My husband wants to give me a divorce me because he’s afraid it will happen again by our future children. I have gone to intensive therapy and done all the required treatment to become completely healthy again. I, however am still very much in love with him and want to remain in the marriage. What does Halacha say on this matter? May I refuse the get or do I need to accept his divorce?

 

Answer:

This sounds terrible and serious, and it sounds like there is more to it than just the past postpartum depression. I would suggest, that you seek help right away. Is your husband willing to talk to someone about this? If he is, I have an excellent person that you can both speak to. If you would like his number let me know.

Regarding you question, I don’t know where things are holding, but this is not a question that should be discussed until all other options have been exhausted. In general, by regarding refusing the get, although you can technically refuse it, it will cause an even more difficult situation than what you now have. Firstly, it will cause a lot more fighting and aggravation, and after much heartache you night realize that you have no choice. Secondly, he might be able to get a heter meah rabbonim, which will make you look terrible, it will end up getting very messy, and cause you tremendous heartache.

I am in no way advising that a get should be given, especially because what you are writing doesn’t sound like legitimate reason to break up a family. But if c”v it does come to that, and there is no way to settle things, it is the best that things should be settled as peacefully as possible. Yes, it is hard, but couples that unfortunately got divorced and did it peacefully were scarred less, had an easier time remarrying, and resettling themselves later.

If there is anything else that I can help you with please let me know.

Best wishes

 

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