Question:
Hi,
I have a question that has been bothering me and I dont feel able to ask it in person. I am very OCD around niddah in general and vey often imagine I have seen blood either on my wife’s body or her clothes when in fact there hasn’t been any. I always seem to have a compulsion to check things even though there is no requirement to do so.
Recently, I was staying at my parents house with my wife and I walked into the wash room and my mother had left her swimsuit drying on the line. I immediately panicked as it was a pattern with a lot of white on it and I thought I had seen some blood. After some time I was so nervous that I felt forced to look at it more closely. I don’t think there was any blood on it but like I said I get very nervous about these things. (I am never able to determine for myself the status of any of my wifes kesamim or bedikot as I am too nervous and panicky. On the advice of my Rov I always leave it up to her.) I feel very nervous that maybe there was some blood on the swimsuit.
My mother is 62 so it is unlikely to be a problem, however, I am very worried that maybe there was blood that I saw that she didn’t. Maybe she is now a niddah from what I may have seen and maybe she doesnt know.
Please can you advise me about what to do?
Many thanks.
Answer:
Thank you for your question and thank you for reaching out to us.
My advice to you would be to speak to someone about this issue, because it is really affecting you in an unhealthy, negative way. This is a yetzer hora, that can negatively affect your mental health, your avodas Hashem, and your shalom bayis.
The fact that you got so nervous about possibly seeing blood in a place that has almost zero chance of actually being blood and it doesn’t make a halachic difference to you, is proof that the nervousness is not coming from yiras shomayin, rather from yetzer hora.
The advice that you got from your Rov is very correct. If it would indeed be blood, you wife or mother would surely know about it, and they are capable of dealing with the issue. In fact, because you have this issue, the best for you would be to make a rule of always ignoring this issue, no matter what you see. Hopefully with time, and possible together with some therapy, you will have the siyata dishamya to overcome this yetzer hora.
Best wishes
