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bli neder

Question:

Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions.
1- What is the halacha for being mekabel to do something and saying bli neder and later having a change of heart.
2- What is the halacha for being mekabel to do something but only thinking it and not saying it out with your mouth. a) I have been doing this kabula for quite some time already. Does it go into the geder of chazaka? b) when discussing this chumra with friends I did say that I do so and so. Does this mean that I said it out and it’s a neder?

3- How do I go about it if I had a change of heart?

Thanks again.

 

Answer:

Thank you for your question.

  1. If you said bli neder, then even though you did the good thing, it didn’t become a neder, and if you have a change of heart, you may stop doing the thing you started doing.
  2. If you didn’t say the good action with your mouth then it isn’t a neder, with the exception of thinking that you will give tzedakah, then even thinking it becomes like a neder to give it. If however you thought the kabala and either did it once with the intention to continue doing it, or if you did it three times then even though you didn’t say that you would do it, it becomes a neder. The discussing with your friends is not what made it a neder, rather the fact that you did the positive thing three times, which then became like your minhag.
  3. If you had a change of heart, and what you did became a neder you will need do hataras nedarim. This is what we do in shul on erev Rosh Hashana. You need to go to a Rov, who will sit down with two other men, and ask you why you have a change of heart, and if it is a neder that can be annulled they will nullify it. Alternatively, if you made a declaration (mesiras modaah) on erev Rosh Hashana that you don’t want any nedarim to take effect, then, you can rely on it, although it is preferable to be matir neder in front of a Rov.

Sources:

Chochmas Adom 91-5, Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 67-4, Y:D 214-1, Kol Nidrei Chapter 81-13,14.

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