For donations Click Here

Shadchan question


A shadchan sent me some shidduch resumes that are irrelevant to the boy she sent them for. I have some other ideas for these girls. Am I allowed to suggest these girls to the boys I know without including the shadchan in the process? I’m not in it for the money. I would take money if something went through but my goal is not the money. The shadchan who sent the profiles claims that this is her parnassa & I should revert the boys I know back to her unless I myself am a shadchan in which case I can “work with her.” Although I have yet to be the shaliach to complete a shidduch, I’ve spent hours the past few years setting people up to go on dates via the thousands of shidduch resumes I’ve received. I think that counts as a shadchan. I also don’t understand what this fashion of taking ownership of singles is. If the purpose is to make shidduchim, all shadchanim should have equal access to help the singles. In any case, my main concern is timing which is that I can easily see if these boys are interested in the girls and move forward or not, while this shadchan takes a crazy amount of time to get back to me between any email. So basically, I’m asking if it’s ok to suggest these girls to seemingly relevant guys especially since I know the guys personally.
Thank you!



Thank you for your question.

In general, whenever there is a dispute between two people, we can’t know the whole story until we hear the other side. Therefore, what is written hear is only based on the facts that you are presenting and the way that you are presenting them.

A person does not have a monopoly on any particular boy or girl for shidduchim, and one can clam that you are stealing there boy. The fact that you got the knowledge of the boy from the shadchan does not mean that he is now entitled to shadchanus. (If the other person would have connected the two people together, by telling one of them about the other, then they would be entitled to a third or the shadchanus). However, if (with Hashem’s help) the shidduch does go thru, it would be a nice idea to give the other person something, because they were a sort of catalyst to the shidduch.

Best wishes


Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *