Question:
I am marrying in two months. I am estranged from my family at present (though we have recently begun family therapy to talk through parental abuse from when I was a child).
I have invited my parents to my wedding, but so far they do not plan to attend. I am unsure how hard to try to get them to come, nor am I sure if I want my parents to walk me to the chuppah. If I don’t want my parents to walk me to the chuppah, or if I do want them to and they refuse to attend, then who should do so instead?
Answer:
Hi,
If you have a married sibling, then they should walk you down, if not then a married couple that you are close with can do so. When a different couple are walking a chosson or kallah to the chuppah, the preference is that, the chosson walk down with the two men (father of the kallah and the husband), and the kallah will walk down with the two women (mother of the chosson and the wife). If this cannot be done, and the couple will walk the down to the chuppah, it is a little awkward, as the person from the other gender will not hold your arm, and will walk slightly removed from you.
As a side point, the day of the chuppah is a special day for you, and your aveiros are forgiven. Therefore, conditions permitting, you should do what you can to make up with your parents in whatever way possible.
Hashem should help you build a bayis ne’eman b’Yisroel.
Sources:
נטעי גבריאל ( נישואין) פי”ד ג-ד’, שו”ת חסד יהושע ח”ב סי’ ל”ג, שו”ת בית אבי ח”ה ס’ ק”מ, ואוצה”פ חט”ז עמוד קע”ג .
