Question:
Rabbi,
My husband and I have a difference of opinion on how to discipline our children. I’m not sure what to do because I feel as though some of his strategies are detrimental to our children.
Our children are young and he puts a lot of emphasis on what they eat, in front of them and in public. I’m concerned this could create negative body issues in the future chas vshalom. Also, I feel he gives them timeouts that are too serious.
Can you explain what are the halachic obligations of a wife, must I agree and go along with these strategies even though I very much disagree with them? When I do try to prevent them, we do end up fighting.
What do you recommend?
Thank you
Answer:
Hello,
Your question is important, because when parents disagree and fight in front of the children, that is very detrimental to them. They end up getting mixed messages, and it destroys their security. A child that sees his parents fighting, has no idea how serious the fight is, and he automatically starts thinking inside, “are my parents c”v going to get divorced”. Such thoughts are damaging to the child.
Most issues, including the potential body issues, are not as serious as this. Even if he is doing damage to them regarding this, you can counter it, at a different time. If he is giving time outs that are too long, you can give the child extra love, later on in the day, which will make up for it. (By the way it is common that the husband will take harsher disciplinary action, than what the wife wants!)
What you need is not a halachic answer, that will only cause one of you to dig your heels in, and it will cause more fighting. It is quite common, that couple disagree on certain aspects of chinuch. I would suggest that you go together to someone who understand chinuch, that you both respect and ask how these issues should be dealt with properly. This will hopefully put both of you on the same track regarding these issues.
