Question:
Is a niece or (married) nephew, who could afford it financially, meant to take into their home an elderly aunt, who has no children of her own, who needs looking after, and who would like to be taken in by one of them, and who does not want to go into an old-age home. The niece and nephew do not feel especially close to the aunt, although I am not clear that this is relevant. The niece has taken into her own home her own mother, with whom she is very close, the elderly aunt’s sister.
Could the Rav, shlita, kindly give the details of the extent of kibud in such a case.
Thank you.
Tizkeh LeMitzvos.
Answer:
Hello,
There are halachos of kibbud for parents, grandparents, in laws, and even for older siblings, however in Shuklchan Aruch there is no mention of an obligation to honor one’s uncle and aunt. This idea is mentioned in Rabeinu Yona, however the poskim says that it applies in regard to talking to them with respect, to stand for them when they enter the room, etc., but not to all halachos of kibbud.
Therefore as far as kibbud av v’em is concerned there is no obligation for you to take her into your home. The question, however, would be regarding doing a chesed with this aunt, which is a question of what is involved, and your capabilities, family situation, etc. An additional consideration would be, how would taking your aunt into the house affect your mother? Will it be beneficial, or detrimental for your mother’s physical and emotional well-being? If caring for your aunt will be detrimental to caring for your mother, you would haveto prioritize your mother over the aunt.
Sources:
ע’ ס’ היראה לר’ יונה אות ס’ וז”ל “כבד את אחיך הגדול ואח אביך ואחי אמך, ובעל אמך, כי את כולם דרשו חכמים מן הפסוק כבד את אביך ואת אמך”, וכן הובא ברשב”ש ס’ שי”א, וכן הובא בס’ חרדים מ”ע פ”ד אות ז’, וברכי יוסף ס’ ר”מ אות כ”א, אמנם הלכה זה לא הובא בר”מ שו”ע ונ”כ. וע’ שו”ת מקור ישראל חו”מ ס’ ס”א שכ’ טעם לזה. וע”ש משכ’ ע”ז. וע’ אשרי האיש ” והיינו לקום בפניהם מעט כשעוברים לפניו, ולהדרם בדברים, וסגי בזה, שהרי לא הוזכר חיוב זה בשו”ע”. וכ”כ בס’ ויברך דוד עמ’ קנ”ד. וע’ ילקוט יוסף כיבוד אב ואם פמ”ד -י”ד “ראוי ונכון לכבד את הדוד אח אביו או אח אמו וכן את דודתו והיינו להדר מפניו בשעה שעובר לפניו ולדבר עמו בדרך ארץ”.
