On Erev Yom Tov we were quite behind in preparations. Unfortunately this happens quite often on Erev Shabbos/Yom Tov. I have tried telling my wife at times that she needs to stop doing melacha at this time but sometimes when she is involved in doing something she will continue etc.
On Erev Yom Tov, I made a mistake of shkia by about 5 minutes and thought it was 5 minutes earlier then it really was. Because this scenario of trying to stop my wife doing melacha has happened before it got me quite stressed.
I wanted to give my wife the schar in Olam haba of me keeping this Yom Tov if she stopped but because I was so stressed I said I will sell you my chelek in Olam Haba if you stop doing melacha now. She didnt stop and gt very upset for me saying that to her.
Fortunately I realised my mistake and no one was mechalel Yom Tov.
My question is did I lose my chelek in Olam Haba as I realised afterwards that I didnt really mean it I just wanted her to stop doing melacha.
You did not lose your chelek in Olam Haba. If anything you got a nice big bonus. You were willing to give up on your sechar, for Hashem’s sake. Besides she didn’t say that she would buy it! I know of a few stories where gedolei Yisroel were willing to give up a part of thier olam haba for kavod shomayim, and they weren’t afraid to do this. Thier bjective was for Hashem’s honor, and not for thier own reward, as the Mishan in Pirkei Avos “don’t be like servants who serve thier master in order to get the reward…”
In this regard you have nothing to worry about. It would be a good idea for you to find the correct way of discussing this at a time that is not streesful for her, to look for ideas that might help that things shouldn’t get so close to shkiya. If it means that you have to help out more, then that is what has to be done. Try to explore the source of the issue, and look for solutions.
May Hashem bless you will all the brachos that come upon a person who adds to time of being mekabel Shabbos