For donations Click Here

Supporting a Newlywed Couple

To join the thousands of recipients and receive these insights free on a weekly email, obtain previous articles, feedback, comments, suggestions (on how to spread the insights of this publication further, make it more appealing or anything else), to sponsor this publication which has been in six continents and more than forty countries, or if you know anyone who is interested in receiving these insights weekly, please contact the author, Rabbi Yehoshua Alt, at [email protected]. Thank you.

To purchase any of the author’s books (hardcopy or e-book) and get it delivered to your door, please send an email to [email protected] or visit (where you can also see the reviews).

לעילוי נשמת שמואל אביגדור בן יצחק מאיר

These Torah articles can also be viewed in French and Hebrew atהורדות-עלונים.


Please send your feedback to [email protected].

Rabbi Alt merited to learn under the tutelage of R’ Mordechai Friedlander ztz”l for close to five years. He received Semicha from R’ Zalman Nechemia Goldberg ztz”l. Rabbi Alt has written on numerous topics for various websites and publications and is the author of the books, Fascinating Insights and Incredible Insights. His writings inspire people across the spectrum of Jewish observance to live with the vibrancy and beauty of Torah. He lives with his wife and family in a suburb of Yerushalayim where he studies, writes, and teaches. The author is passionate about teaching Jews of all levels of observance.

Please feel free to print some copies of this publication and distribute them in your local shul for the public, thereby having a hand in spreading Torah.

Supporting a Newlywed Couple

The Yerushalmi Maggid, R’ Ben Tzion Yadler[1] (1871-1962), cites in his sefer, Tuv Yerushalayim, the custom of parents of the chosson or kalla support a newly married couple for some years after marriage so that they don’t need to deal with the burden of parnassa immediately. In this way, the chosson can consecrate some years to learning Torah.

He added what he heard from R’ Zalman Bahran:[2] It says[3] that age 18 is the time for marriage[4] while age 20 is the time to pursue (בן שמונה עשרה לחופה בן עשרים לרדוף) a livelihood.[5] If age 18 is for marriage and age 20 is the time to pursue a livelihood, then how does the young couple support themselves for those two years after marriage? It must be that they are being supported by his parents or her parents.[6]

[1] While still young, R’ Yadler had physical difficulty with his eyes, so he accustomed himself to studying by heart. He received semicha from R’ Shmuel Salant’s Beis Din at age 22. As of Shabbos Zachor 1902, R’ Shmuel Salant officially appointed R’ Yadler as an official lecturer in Yerushalayim. He also oversaw the Eruv of Yerushalayim. R’ Yadler was also appointed by R’ Shmuel Salant’s Beis Din to travel from village to village in order to teach and oversee the observance of agricultural-related mitzvos. He would ride donkeys between different places, from the north to the south of Eretz Yisrael, in order to instruct the farmers in these mitzvos. Wherever he went, he would speak in shuls, markets, and city streets. The Dayan Tzvi Harkavi related: “One day I noticed that R’ Yadler was worried. He told me that in Vienna the Great Assembly of Agudas Israel was taking place, a gathering of all the Torah luminaries of the generation, and that he himself had been selected to represent Yerushalayim. R’ Yadler said with a disheartening voice, ‘In my 53 years on this earth, I have never left Eretz Yisrael. I always avoided swimming in the sea because maybe the waters would be considered outside the Holy Land. Yet now, I am being asked to leave for overseas.’ When R’ Harkavi responded, ‘But you are leaving with the intention of coming back!,’ R’ Yadler replied, ‘Who knows if I’ll die in a foreign land? I’m older than 50 years old.’ After his return from Vienna, R’ Harkavi encountered R’ Yadler and related, ‘His mouth was filled with gratitude for having had the merit to return to Eretz Israel alive.’” On the final day of his life at age 92, as he stood by the chupah at his granddaughter’s wedding to a notable Torah scholar on Tu B’Av, R’ Yadler’s soul departed. His grandson was the famed R’ Yisrael Yaakov Fisher, Rav of Zichron Moshe neighborhood in Yerushalayim, Raavad of the Eida Hachareidis and author of Even Yisrael.

[2] R’ Bahran, who established the Meah Shearim neighborhood, authored the Zer Zahav on Chumash and on Shulchan Aruch. He passed away in 1910.

[3] Avos 5:25.

[4] The sefer Chut Hameshulash Hechadash (p. 34) records what the Chassam Sofer told his son R’ Shimon Sofer about himself getting engaged at age 22, and not at 18 like Chazal say. The Chassam Sofer would go for bloodletting each month which would weaken his body and calm his desire. Later in life he felt the effects of this as he felt weak from the bloodletting he did when he was younger. He told his son, “The voice of your father now cries out.”

[5] This is how the Bartenura (s.v. בן עשרים) explains the words בן עשרים לרדוף.

[6] Otzar Plaos Hatorah, Nisuin, pp. 97-98.

Writer of the weekly Fascinating Insights Torah sheet in Englishעברית ,אידיש and français
Author of Five Books including the recently released “Magnificent Marriage Insights: Captivating Torah Essays about Marriage”

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *