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Followup to this question on Hefsek Kiddush/Havdala


Following up with this question, after relaying this answer to my husband he continues to insist that the wife say le’chaim because it makes him feel good. He doesn’t really care all that much about minhagim. We are both Ashkenazim. Is the wife m’chuyov to listen to him and say le’chaim or can she continue to keep quiet following the dictum – Minhag b’yisrael k’din

We keep Ashkenaz minhagim. My husband thinks he read in the zohar that it’s an inyan for all the people listening to kiddush and havdala to say l’chaim after the person making the kiddush/havdala says savri maranun. Is this considered a hefsek?

It is true, and this is the reason the Sefardim say it by kiddush. It is not a hefsek because it is said before the actual bracha is said. As a side point, a person should be careful not to change their minhagim, especially regarding kiddush. According to kabbalah, there is a significance to the amount of words said in the kiddush, and different communities have different ways how to calculate this. If you are going to do part of one type of minhag and part of another you might end up not doing like any type of minhag.




If this is what your husband wants you to do, I would say that you should do it, even if it means doing like a different minhag.  If it makes your husband happy, to say l’chaim, say it, saying it or not saying it  is not something important enough to make any friction between yourselves, therefore if he wants it this way, let him have it his way.

Best wishes

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  1. While the answer given may have been Halachicly sound, it seems like there is something wrong in what is going on over here.
    Instead of just going along with the wishes of her Husband, this woman should seek out someone to talk to, preferably someone that her husband respects and ask for advice there instead of online.

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