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Listening to husband


Hi Rabbi,

My husband is on the path of yiddishkeit but still in the earlier stages of connecting to Torah and mitzvahs. Thank G-d he has been very tolerant and let our family adopt most mitzvos.

He gets frustrated when he feels that something is a chumra, and that I may be trying to adopt stringency. However I’m not entirely always sure myself what is it what -a chumra vs halacha .

One of the things he doesn’t want our family to do, me included is wash negel vasser by my bed.

Occasionally I have tried to prepare negel vasser, and he has been upset. Now, I just wash by the nearest sink when I wake up but I feel very unsettled about this and always feel I’m doing something very wrong.

As his wife, am I halachically obligated to listen to everything he asks of me? In this case, is negel vasser by the bed a halacha or a chumra? If it’s a halacha, what do you recommend?

Thank you very much




It is preferable to wash negel vasser by your bed, however some people (mostly litfishe people) are lenient about this. In your situation, for right now, wash your hands in the sink. Without getting into the issue if you have to listen to your husband or not, washing negel vasser by your bed should not become a shalom bayis (marital harmony). Secondly, you want to help and encourage your husband to grow, therefore it is important to let him grow at his own pace, in a way that he won’t get frustrated with it. therefore you should be careful not to do chumras, etc., that will get on his nerves.

Hashem should give you the strength to continue on this wonderful path, and you should both keep on growing.

Best wishes

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