Question:
My wife and I, along with our 2 young sons, live with my father in law. For years he would make kiddush on Friday night and yotzei us. However, I have become more religious over the past year and a half. As a father and a frum yid, I feel I should now make Kiddush on Friday night, especially as its more chiuv. Also, my father in law doesn't always wear a kippah, he doesn't wear tzitzit and I'm not sure if he keeps Shabbat. I've been limited to making kiddush after Shul on Shabbat morning ( he avoids being around when I do it) and he does it before Shabbos lunch. Halachically, do I have the right to make Kiddush instead of my father in law on Friday night?
Answer:
Hello,
You have the right to make kiddush if you want, as it is your house. However, it seems that your father-in-law will be insulted, at being kicked off his position, which is an issue you have to be careful about. Additionally, and it can also give him a bad taste regarding your being frum, which is not good. If he keeps Shabbos or at least he wants and tries to keep Shabbos, (although to a large degree he is ignorant of the halachos) he can make kiddush and you are yotza with it. He should, however wear a kippah when saying it.
If you want, in a discreet manner, you can say along with him quietly, and drink a cheek-full of wine afterwards, and it is as if you made your own kiddush.
As a baal teshuva, it is important for you to keep up a good relationship with your father in law, and let him see, and feel, that you’re doing the mitzvos is a positive thing for him, and something he might want to follow. This is the way to be mekarev him, and it will have positive effect on all of you.
Best wishes
