Question:
I know I’m not allowed to ask questions on Hashem, but it really bothers me.
- That Adam harishon lied to Chava about the nature of the eitz hada'as and he barely got a klalah while Chava (and all the doomed women ever since) were given a million klalos (I’m referring to all the details of the klalos that women got that torture us at every stage of life and never seem to end)
Didn’t he do something so much worse? And it was all his fault. She made a mistake because of what he said. - I also have another question which I believe is connected. Why does the Torah allow men to have as many wives as they want? Everyone knows that its impossible for a man to make more than one wife happy - even the Avos did not manage to love their wives equally. Any instance in the Torah where there is more than one wife, there is pain and bad feelings. That means it doesn’t work. Why are we not allowed to kill, steal, etc but men are allowed to do something that will for sure pain another woman? Some people say that in the olden days they didn’t mind it. But we see otherwise in the Torah, and the Torah itself calls it a tzarah which means the Torah agrees that it makes tzaros for women. Where are the middos tovos in this that the Torah expects from us in all other areas of life besides for this?
Answer:
Hello,
Before answering you, it is important to know that we may ask questions in order to understand what Hashem is doing and to learn from it, as long as understand that Hashem, the one who created intellect, is much smarter, and understands a lot better than us. Therefore, after trying to understand, if we don’t we just rely on the fact that Hashem knows better.
Regarding your questions, you seem quite upset, so please let me explains things here, and hopefully it will help you.
- Regarding your first question, I think that there is a bit of a mistake here. Adam did not lie to Chava, as Rashi (Bereishis 3-3) says that Chava was told not to eat from the tree, however SHE added on her own, that it is also forbidden to touch the tree. It was on this point that the snake convinced her, as he showed her that touching the tree was not a problem. However, it was not Adam who lied to her. Aside from this, Chava technically did two aveiros, firstly she ate from the tree, and then she also gave Adam to eat from the tree, specifically, because she didn’t want that she should die and then Adam will marry someone else. Therefore, she pressured Adam to eat from the fruit of the tree, and gave him the fruit. Therefore, she was also responsible, not only for her own death, but also for Adam’s death, and the death of all of mankind.
As a side point, the klala that Adam got was also no picnic. Plowing the ground all day, is backbreaking labor, and at the end of it, it grows thorns. Even after the wheat grows, he has to cut it, thresh it, winnow it, grind it, etc. This klala does not expire, when he is in his forties, when the klala of the woman, largely finishes, rather it extends even in his eighties, he still has to world hard in the field, when his strength is waning.
- What would we say about having more than one child, would we also say that if you can’t love each one equally, then you shouldn’t have them, or would we say that if the parent can provide the child with everything he needs, that there is no problem with having more than one? In truth, if a man cannot make both wives happy, he should not marry more than one. See Shemos 21-10, that even if a man marries his made, he may only do so if he can provide her with her needs. Nowadays, you are right, that a man will not be able to provide more than one his wife with her needs, and that is why there is a cherem d’rabeinu Gershom, prohibiting it. The fact that Yackov didn’t like both wives the same, was because he essentially didn’t want to marry one of them. We even see by Dovid that he had 18 wives, and we don’t find that anyone of them had any complaints, the same with Shlomo.
He have to be careful not to superimpose, our worldview, and our conditions on people who lived in different times, had different values, and wanted different things out of life. For example, if a woman was offered to be the second wife of a king, and from now on she would be a queen, with all of her needs provided for, the best meals, and her every whim taken care of. Besides having the chance to spend half of the life of the king together with him, many women would jump at the opportunity. After all, now she is the queen, with all of its accompaniments. (We also see that Hagar and Timna, who were princesses, gave up the life of a princess in order to even be the maid of the Avos, and to be attached to the special family of Avrohom.) It is true, that she doesn’t have a “whole husband”, and therefore it is called a tzara, how ever many women opted for it, because in Jewish law a man may not marry a woman unless she consents to it first.
Nowadays this would not fly, because due to our affluent lifestyle, where we basically have all of our material needs, what a woman is looking for in a husband, is his attention and love. However things weren’t always this way, and a woman that wasn’t married, had no source of income, had nowhere to stay, and no government program to fall back on. She desperately wanted to get married, even if she wasn’t the only woman in the marriage. It is therefore very possible that the woman felt quite relieved to marry a man who would provide her with all of her, food, shelter, and medical needs. The needs of her sons and daughters, and even her needs after she passes on, that the Jewish husband is obligated by the kesubah to provide her children with their needs. In fact, the kesuba even provides for her needs after her husband dies, that she is supported from his estate after he passes on. Yes she wasn’t “the only one in his life”, but many women felt it was very worthwhile.
Best wishes
