Question:
I have a couple of difficulties that I am struggling with at the moment. I don't believe any of them are hugely serious, but I really feel that I need direction. I have thought about it a lot and I think I must take wise advice. The problem is that I am a bit stuck with who I can speak it through with. The issues are complex and involve my shalom bayis as well. My husband is a respected Rov in the small community that I live in, who himself gives advice to people on a range of issues including shalom bayis. I just don't think it's fair to him for me to speak to anyone in town about it.
Besides for that, the problems are complex and involve many dynamics, I feel that the person I talk to has to know me and my situation well.
Hashem blessed me with a special sister who lives locally, who I am very close to. We understand each other deeply, and is on my wavelength. She is a yirai shomayim with a seichel hayoshor who I trust with confidence can understand my situation and give me mature advice.
The questions I have are as follows:
1) Although my sister is the person I trust most to speak to, she is not a daas torah - is it correct for me to receive direction from her on how to proceed?
2) Although I am pretty sure it's mutar according to hilchos shmiras haloshon as it is entirely letoeles, I feel disloyal to the people involved (including my husband) to speak openly about them to a family member about his personal life and difficulties. Is this a problem?
Thank you so much!
Answer:
Hello,
I understand your dilemma, and the answer to your question is a delicate one, as the issue is sensitive and delicate. On one hand your sister is the best person to talk to, because you do need hadracha that is tailored to you, and if you don't have a real daas torah to ask, and you trust her saichol, then this is the best that you have. On the other hand, discussing sensitive topics about your husband, depends on what the issue is. If it is merely a difference of opinion, and discussing these issues will not change her opinion of your husband, that is one thing. However if it will involve disclosing negative things about your husband, then although you might get good advice from her, but it can hurt you in the long run, because if she isn't going to respect your husband now, because of it, it can lead to all sort of negative things.
Hatzlocha